Alone Time vs. Loneliness: What’s a Good Stability?


Dec. 22, 2023 – For a lot of, ’tis the season for nonstop vacation and household gatherings, lasting from Thanksgiving by New Yr’s Day. Whereas some want these nonstop events would proceed, others really feel an awesome need to simply be alone and take pleasure in peace and quiet.

Memes on social media nail the necessity for “me” time, from “My alone time is for everybody’s security” to a photograph of a lady on her cellphone, with the caption: “That is me pretending to be on my cellphone so nobody talks to me.” On X, the social media platform previously generally known as Twitter, some customers plead for others to respect their want for alone time.

But an excessive amount of alone time might enhance the chance of loneliness, already at epidemic ranges.

So what’s the perfect steadiness between solo and never; the candy spot? Scientists exploring that query say the solutions aren’t easy and no excellent prescription applies to everybody. What is understood: How you spend that alone time and the way you understand it – nice or terrible? – appear to affect whether or not loneliness creeps in.

Being Alone and Loneliness 

Time spent alone and loneliness are two totally different phenomena, and never as carefully associated as some would possibly suppose, in accordance with Matthias R. Mehl, PhD, a professor of psychology on the College of Arizona in Tucson. 

Mehl and his colleagues discovered a “strong however small” hyperlink between loneliness and time spent alone. They analyzed information from 426 folks, ages 24 to 90, who wore a smartphone app that recorded social exercise in on a regular basis life. The app data, with the folks’s permission, the sounds they make for 30 seconds each 12 minutes. The app helped the researchers analyze time spent alone vs. time interacting with others. Every particular person additionally accomplished a validated measure of loneliness. 

Total, the folks within the research spent 66% of their time alone. However there was a large variation on time spent alone, which stunned Alex F. Danvers, PhD, the research’s co-lead writer. Some spent 90% of their time alone, some 10%, mentioned Danvers, who did the analysis whereas on the College of Arizona as a postdoctoral scholar. He’s now director of therapy outcomes at Sierra Tucson, a residential psychological well being facility in Tucson, AZ. Older single adults have been probably to spend time alone. 

Whereas the connection is just not linear, and varies by age and different issues, solitary time doesn’t carefully correlate with loneliness till an individual spends 75% of their time alone, the researchers discovered. 

However for older adults, loneliness set in after they spent a lot much less time alone than 75%. 

“For these 65 and older, there’s a clear, a really robust affiliation [between alone time and loneliness],” Mehl mentioned. “For youthful adults, and center age, there isn’t a lot of an affiliation between aloneness and loneliness.”

In response to Mehl, the analysis confirms the previous saying: “You may very a lot really feel lonely in a crowd and advantageous alone.”

He has some potential explanations for that. Younger adults, as an illustration, might exit to celebration with anybody who asks, though they don’t seem to be near them, he mentioned. So they could find yourself feeling lonely after they exit with these acquaintances, maybe as a result of they’ve little or no historical past collectively.

Individuals are likely to turn out to be extra selective of their socialization patterns as they grow old, Mehl finds. “They prune out peripheral social contacts and curate a core social community,” he mentioned. So if older folks with a smaller circle arrange a gathering with somebody they actually wish to see, they don’t seem to be more likely to really feel lonely with them, he mentioned.

Whereas there’s a relationship between time spent alone and loneliness, “loneliness is actually about your notion,” Danvers mentioned. “There may be loads of loneliness that isn’t defined by time [spent] alone.”

Whereas the analysis is ongoing, Danvers concluded that “so long as you aren’t spending an enormous portion of your day alone, even simply having just a few hours [of interaction] might be sufficient if you wish to keep away from being lonely.”

Solitude and Socializing

There’s no proof for a one-size-fits-all optimum steadiness between solitude and social time, in accordance with Thuy-Vy Nguyen, PhD, an affiliate professor of psychology at Durham College, Durham, U.Okay. She manages a solitude lab and has revealed on the steadiness between solitude and socializing. 

For one research, Nguyen and her colleagues requested 178 folks to finish a 21-day diary research, which quantified solitude time in hours by reconstructing each day occasions. Individuals normally have been lonelier and fewer happy on days during which they spent extra hours alone, however the downsides of alone time have been diminished or eradicated if the alone time was a alternative and didn’t accumulate throughout days.

On the plus aspect, folks reported feeling much less stress and strain on days after they hung out alone.

Solitude time can each profit and hurt well-being, Nguyen mentioned in an interview. “Temporary solitude can downregulate robust feelings and promote relaxation and rest,” she mentioned. However it might probably additionally backfire. As an example, when individuals are alone and experiencing unfavorable feelings, “I’d suppose they’d wish to get out of that state,” she mentioned. However they discovered that some wished to proceed in that state. And that may ultimately result in an excessive amount of unfavorable pondering and rumination, and enhance the chances of loneliness, she mentioned.

She concluded that “the steadiness is much less concerning the period of time than about the way you spend it.” Actions akin to gardening, strolling, and studying might encourage folks to see time alone as a solution to acquire relaxation and rest.

When contemplating whether or not loneliness is a threat, it’s additionally vital to bear in mind an individual’s “baseline” period of time sometimes spent alone, she mentioned. What one particular person perceives as an excessive amount of time alone stands out as the ordinary quantity for others. 



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